I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
