we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
