If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just found puke in my bra..
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize