i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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