It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
