Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
