you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize