I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's the barista slut.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
