If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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