My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
