shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
