Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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