I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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