ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
