Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
