JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize