Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
