Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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