You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
