Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he thought i was a dude.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
