it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
