i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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