and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
