And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize