why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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