We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
