Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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