i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
