Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
