I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
