I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I need to sanitize my soul.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
