A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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