Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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