i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
