He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
