the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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