you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize