and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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