I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
