i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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