Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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