Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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