ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
