you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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