Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
