nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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