You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
