Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
