I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
