I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
