I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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