he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
