the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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