It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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