Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
