Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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