You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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