There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
