M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
