ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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