And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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