i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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