I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
