youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
