Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
