Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He shit in the fireplace
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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