I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
