ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
