I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
