I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
